You're Not Done Yet

February 1, 2024
Rostain and Hibbs reference the latest research, integrated with their own professional and personal experiences, to dispense soothing assurance and solid advice for those struggling during a complicated stage of parenting. Geared toward caregivers of young adults aged 20-30, their book provides insight into the unique socioeconomic and cultural pressures placed on today's emerging generations, using illustrative examples to delineate normal versus pathological development. Hibbs and Rostain charge that the cultural transformations of the past few decades have led to an alarming delay in the acquisition of crucial skills and a protracted adolescence that requires parents to provide continual financial and emotional support. This timely guide also addresses the societal upheaval caused by COVID-19 and the growing divide between the lived experiences of pre-internet parents and their digital-world-immersed children. Each section offers constructive reflection exercises, engaging case studies, and tips for targeted, collaborative goal setting. Deeply researched, with extensive appendices, this valuable resource offers compassionate, actionable advice for families going through a transition increasingly beset with unprecedented challenges.

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February 5, 2024
Family psychologist Hibbs and Rostain, a professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at Cooper Medical School of Rowan University, team up again (after 2019’s The Stressed Years of Their Lives) for a compassionate parenting manual on how to help 20–somethings navigate young adulthood. The authors suggest that such factors as declining real wages, rising student debt, and economic turbulence caused by the 2008 financial crisis and the Covid-19 pandemic have left young people more reliant on their parents than previous generations. Helping adult children develop autonomy requires collaborating with them to develop solutions, Hibbs and Rostain contend, encouraging parents to listen attentively to their children’s perspectives to better understand where they’re coming from and ensure they feel heard. Client stories shed light on intergenerational dynamics, as when the authors recount counseling a mother concerned about her daughter’s eight hours of daily screen time, concluding that because the daughter was able to maintain a job and friendships she didn’t “meet the criteria for a treatable mental disorder.” To keep perspective, the authors urge parents to recognize how concerns about excessive social media use may mirror their own parents’ anxiety about long hours spent watching TV. Hibbs and Rostain excel at explaining large-scale social trends, and the empathetic explorations of how parents and adult children perceive the world will help both find common ground. Not-quite-empty nesters will appreciate the guidance. (Mar.)Correction: A previous version of this review misidentified Anthony Rostain’s academic institution.

February 1, 2024

Psychologist and family therapist Hibbs and Rostain (psychiatry and behavioral health, Cooper Univ. Health Care), coauthors of The Stressed Years of Their Lives, address the twists and turns of parenting young adults who don't live on their own. Their focus is the many young adults who, due to dropping out of college during the pandemic and enduring the country's financial crisis, recession, political turmoil, and COVID, find themselves still living with their parents, who are now tasked with helping their children mature, both financially and emotionally. The authors recognize that many parents have their own mental health to consider, and they urge parents to remember to help themselves first so that they can help their young adult. This book helps parents work their way through those challenges. Reflection questions are included at the end of each chapter, all emphasizing that parents must not embrace feelings of guilt and blame. Instead, they need to learn from the past--shake their family tree to observe and change patterns--to grow in the future. VERDICT An insightful guide that addresses the oft-ignored problems that young adults face. For parents who want to help their young adults lead thriving, independent lives.

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